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This is a very tough question, especially because
your friend may deny that he or she even has a
problem. The fact that you are concerned shows
that you have noticed some change in the appearance
or behavior of your friend.
If your friend does not get help, things can
get much worse. Here are some warning signs
to look for. Some are easy to see, others aren't.
If you notice some of these happening over and
over again, chances are your friend needs help.
- getting drunk or high on drugs on a regular
basis
- lying about things such as how much or how
often he or she is using alcohol or other
drugs
- avoiding you in order to get drunk or high
- giving up activities he or she used to do
(sports, homework, or hanging out with friends
who don't drink or use other drugs)
- planning to drink later, hiding alcohol,
drinking or using other drugs alone
- having to drink more to get the same high
- believing that in order to have fun you
need to drink or use other drugs
- frequent hangovers
- pressuring others to drink or use other
drugs
- taking risks, including sexual risks
- having "blackouts" -- forgetting
what he or she did the night before while
drinking (if you tell your friend what happened,
he or she might pretend to remember, or laugh
it off as no big deal)
- feeling run-down, hopeless, depressed, or
even suicidal
- sounding selfish and not caring about others
- constantly talking about drinking or using
other drugs
- getting in trouble with the law
- drinking and driving
- suspension from school for an alcohol- or
other drug-related incident
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People who drink or use other drugs do NOT share
the same symptoms or suffer the same consequences.
One thing is certain: though it may start as a
"great" high, things quickly change for the worse.
Serious problems can result including the following:
- psychological problems (i.e.: suicidal depression)
- physical problems (i.e.: liver damage and
brain damage)
- death from overdose or while driving under
the influence.
- impaired judgment, leading to "risky" behaviors
such as having unsafe sex, violent behavior.
- dropping out of school and losing friends.
- losing respect and trust from their loved
ones.
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Lots of things lead to these problems including
the following:
- Family History: Certain families
are more likely to have alcohol or drug dependence
problems. It is similar to families that suffer
more from heart disease and cancers than other
families.
- Avoidance of Problems: Some people
often drink or use other drugs to avoid things
that bother them including stress, peer pressure,
family or relationship problems.
- Low Self-Esteem: Others feel different,
isolated, misunderstood, and out of place
with everyone in the world.
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It's tough for most people with an alcohol or
drug problem to even admit there is a problem.
They often think they are in control of their
lives, but others see that the alcohol and other
drugs are in control of them. Denial is a common
problem, often just as much as the substance
abuse itself. Becoming dependent on alcohol or
other drugs makes you want to cut off the people
who care about you. You spend more and more time
alone and can end up feeling very lonely and afraid.
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It is possible for you to help a friend who is
in serious trouble with alcohol or other drugs,
even if he or she continues to deny the problem.
Remember though, in the end, it's your friend's
final decision and own responsibility. Your care,
trust, love, support and understanding will go
a long way. Follow these steps to helping your
friend recover from an alcohol or other drug problem.
- Talk with your friend about the substance
abuse problem, including his or her feelings
and reasons for using them. Listen to their
reasons. Here are some guidelines you
should consider in planning how and what you
could do to help.
Guidelines
- Make sure the timing is right. Talk to your
friend when he or she is sober-- before school
is a good time.
- Never accuse your friend of being an alcoholic
or a drug addict, but do express your concern.
Try not to blame your friend for the problem;
if you do, he or she might be turned off right
away.
- Talk about your feelings. Tell your friend
you're worried, and how it feels for you to
see him or her drunk or high on other drugs.
- Tell your friend what you've seen him or
her do when drinking or using other drugs.
Give specific examples. Tell your friend you
want to help.
- Speak in a caring and understanding tone
of voice, not with pity but with friendship.
- Be prepared for denial and anger. Your friend
may say there is nothing wrong and may get
mad at you. Many people with alcohol and other
drug problems react this way. When confronted,
many users will defend their use, blame others
for the problem, or give excuses for why they
drink or use other drugs.
- Find out where help is available. You could
offer to go with your friend to get help,
but be prepared to follow through. This gesture
will show your friend that you really care.
- You need to tell your friend that you are
worried about him or her, and that someone
who can help needs to be told. Your friend
might get really mad at you, but if you say
nothing, things may get worse and your friend
may be in more danger.
- Your friend's problem is probably hard on
you, too. The situation may have left you
feeling lonely and afraid. Maybe you've thought,
"What if I get my friend in trouble?
What if I lose my friend over this? What if
I don't do anything and something awful happens?"
It's hard to keep all of these questions and
feelings to yourself. It's important that
you talk about them. You can share these feelings
with the person that you go to for help about
your friend's problem. There are also support
groups for people like you who are trying
to help a friend, such as Al-Anon or Alateen,
where you can learn more about people's alcohol
and other drug use problems. Your school may
have a substance abuse prevention counselor
as well.
- Encourage your friend to talk to someone
about his or her alcohol and drug use problem.
It can start with a parent, teacher, doctor
or nurse. Eventually, your friend will need
to see a professional where he or she will
admit that there is a problem and agree to
stop drinking and/or using other drugs completely.
- If you are worried about your friend or
he or she refuses to get help, it is important
for you to speak to someone in private who
is knowledgeable and reassuring. It's important
to know what's happening in your friend's
life if you plan to help. Telling someone
is NOT being disloyal to your friend. In fact,
it shows how much you care and value your
friendship. Ask this person to keep the conversation
confidential. You don't have to mention your
friend by name; you can just talk generally
about the problem. Talking to a professional
will help you figure out what the best steps
are for you to take.
If your friend is in serious trouble with alcohol
or other drugs, and you have been unable to get
your friend to get help on his or her own, you
should consider speaking with your friend's parents
or guardian.
The potential consequences to your friend's life
can be too severe to do nothing.
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